Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
The Olympian is in my bed
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
