She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize