Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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