she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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