How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
party gras won. party gras always wins.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
