You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Randomize
