I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Randomize
