umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize