did you get engaged???
plz talk dirty to me
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
