OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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