im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
