I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
