I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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