I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
