seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
