I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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