The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
