you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
