So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
