first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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