I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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