CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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