I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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