I accidentally burped into my bong.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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