Dude my mom stole all your condoms
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Randomize
