I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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