Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
