If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
i think my cat just said my name.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
