I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I just had sex on a roof
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Randomize
