ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
