Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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