3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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