I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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