did you get engaged???
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
