thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
