Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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