Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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