Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize