what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
