i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
