Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
