I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Randomize
