It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
We had to coat check the pizza.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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