Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
