this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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