For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
