I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
