Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
