Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
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