I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize