Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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