you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
