Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
