I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
You are a genius and a whore.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
