Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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