24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
