I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
