I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
