Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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