THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
