Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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