my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
