Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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