is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
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