Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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