i don't like sucking hair
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
