woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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