whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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