I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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